WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.916
This is how real coffee
nerds make

00:00:01.916 --> 00:00:02.833
their morning
coffee.

00:00:03.166 --> 00:00:05.000
First, I take exactly
18 grams of

00:00:05.000 --> 00:00:06.708
unroasted coffee beans
and instead of

00:00:06.708 --> 00:00:07.666
roasting them on
a pan,

00:00:07.666 --> 00:00:09.500
I draw a face on a wall,
throw some bug

00:00:09.500 --> 00:00:11.166
milk in it and say
"maloso,

00:00:11.416 --> 00:00:13.500
vobiscum, et cam
spiritum",

00:00:13.625 --> 00:00:15.000
creating a gate with
the underworld

00:00:15.000 --> 00:00:16.333
where I put my coffee
beans for

00:00:16.333 --> 00:00:17.375
approximately 2
minutes.

00:00:17.708 --> 00:00:18.750
Then I grind my coffee
in an

00:00:18.750 --> 00:00:20.250
industrialcraft 2
macerator

00:00:20.250 --> 00:00:21.500
with some speed
upgrades.

00:00:21.791 --> 00:00:23.500
While this method takes
about 2 nuclear

00:00:23.500 --> 00:00:24.708
reactors worth
of energy

00:00:24.708 --> 00:00:26.208
per tick, it's still
worth it.

00:00:26.250 --> 00:00:27.875
It is currently the best
grinder on the

00:00:27.875 --> 00:00:28.708
market because
grounds

00:00:28.708 --> 00:00:30.166
come out evenly
distributed.

00:00:30.541 --> 00:00:32.333
Then I press them down
with a hydraulic

00:00:32.333 --> 00:00:33.125
press getting a

00:00:33.125 --> 00:00:34.333
perfect solid coffee
pellet,

00:00:34.708 --> 00:00:36.166
which I put inside
of the radiation

00:00:36.166 --> 00:00:38.541
chamber alongside a plutonium
fuel rod.

00:00:38.541 --> 00:00:40.750
This process takes 2
hours and converts

00:00:40.750 --> 00:00:42.333
my regular coffee
pellet into a

00:00:42.333 --> 00:00:43.791
radioactive coffee
33.

00:00:44.166 --> 00:00:45.541
While this process
is happening, I

00:00:45.541 --> 00:00:47.125
activate my deuterium
tritium plasma

00:00:47.125 --> 00:00:48.166
production and
insert

00:00:48.166 --> 00:00:49.875
it into my fusion reactor,
which will

00:00:49.875 --> 00:00:50.791
then provide
me with

00:00:50.791 --> 00:00:51.750
enough energy to
activate

00:00:51.750 --> 00:00:53.875
my black hole generation
machine. Then

00:00:53.875 --> 00:00:56.000
I safely extract coffee
33 from my

00:00:56.000 --> 00:00:57.791
irradiation chamber
and insert it

00:00:57.791 --> 00:00:59.250
inside of the black
hole machine.

00:00:59.500 --> 00:01:01.250
Coffee 33 is being
sucked in by the

00:01:01.250 --> 00:01:03.041
black hole, creating
a very unique

00:01:03.041 --> 00:01:04.208
coffee accretion
disk.

00:01:04.583 --> 00:01:06.208
Then I speed up the
Hawking radiation

00:01:06.208 --> 00:01:07.125
inside of the
machine,

00:01:07.500 --> 00:01:08.583
making the black
hole die

00:01:08.625 --> 00:01:11.083
5 novimigentillion times
faster, which

00:01:11.083 --> 00:01:12.750
turns coffee accretion
disk into a

00:01:12.750 --> 00:01:13.583
perfectly distributed

00:01:13.583 --> 00:01:16.041
coffee grounds. Then
I go out and get

00:01:16.041 --> 00:01:17.208
isekai'd to the
fantasy

00:01:17.208 --> 00:01:18.500
world of magic and
wonder,

00:01:18.791 --> 00:01:20.833
and go out on an epic
adventure to find

00:01:20.833 --> 00:01:21.833
the greatest wizard
ever

00:01:21.833 --> 00:01:22.958
lived, so that
he could

00:01:22.958 --> 00:01:24.541
enjaint my evenly distributed
black

00:01:24.541 --> 00:01:25.375
hole post radioactive

00:01:25.375 --> 00:01:26.916
coffee grounds for
an extra

00:01:26.916 --> 00:01:28.791
percent of extraction.
Sadly for this

00:01:28.791 --> 00:01:30.083
spell we had to
sacrifice a

00:01:30.083 --> 00:01:31.583
virgin, but after
the harvest

00:01:31.583 --> 00:01:33.666
had commenced, I isekai'd
myself back

00:01:33.666 --> 00:01:35.166
into our cyberpunk
world of

00:01:35.166 --> 00:01:36.041
technology and
depression.

00:01:36.291 --> 00:01:38.000
Then I placed a dispersion
screen and

00:01:38.000 --> 00:01:39.125
inserted the porta
filter

00:01:39.125 --> 00:01:40.500
into the espresso
machine.

00:01:40.500 --> 00:01:42.458
And due to the absolutely
perfect 100%

00:01:42.791 --> 00:01:43.791
distribution, water

00:01:43.791 --> 00:01:44.833
flows through the
coffee

00:01:44.958 --> 00:01:47.083
without any channeling,
creating this

00:01:47.083 --> 00:01:48.291
perfect flowing
coffee

00:01:48.291 --> 00:01:50.125
cylinder that is easy
to simulate

00:01:50.250 --> 00:01:52.291
in blender. Coffee ended
up looking and

00:01:52.291 --> 00:01:54.208
tasting very good,
and so,