WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

00:00:00.359 --> 00:00:02.169
The woman in the bath is changing.

00:00:02.169 --> 00:00:04.930
Her skin turns green and slimy.

00:00:04.930 --> 00:00:07.090
Her arms begin to warm.

00:00:07.090 --> 00:00:12.910
A long, green tentacle flops over the side
of the bath, then another, then another, until

00:00:12.910 --> 00:00:17.880
she has completely transformed into a giant
green octopus.

00:00:17.880 --> 00:00:22.400
In these moments, her thoughts swim with panic,
trying to remember what could have possibly

00:00:22.400 --> 00:00:23.410
caused this.

00:00:23.410 --> 00:00:27.779
She remembers sitting at her desk, scrolling
idly through an article.

00:00:27.779 --> 00:00:31.100
In the middle of the page, flashing text catches
her eye.

00:00:31.100 --> 00:00:36.260
It reads: "She thought she was going for a
normal swim, but what happened next TERRIFIED

00:00:36.260 --> 00:00:37.260
her!"

00:00:37.260 --> 00:00:42.410
She clicks, and opens a page to reveal a picture
of a large tentacled arm stretching out of

00:00:42.410 --> 00:00:45.600
the water while a horrified woman looks on.

00:00:45.600 --> 00:00:50.230
She scrolls to the bottom of the page, then
rolls her eyes and closes out of the window…

00:00:50.230 --> 00:00:55.129
How could so much horror come from simple
text and a picture?

00:00:55.129 --> 00:00:58.699
When he applied to journalism school, the
young man imagined himself breaking major

00:00:58.699 --> 00:01:03.219
stories, exposing corrupt politicians, and
calling the results of elections, perhaps

00:01:03.219 --> 00:01:07.229
uncovering the hidden dark underbelly of a
seemingly squeaky-clean community.

00:01:07.229 --> 00:01:11.580
Instead, he's spending his days in an office
that replaced all the chairs with exercise

00:01:11.580 --> 00:01:14.320
balls and put a ping pong table in the conference
room.

00:01:14.320 --> 00:01:18.830
They don't traffic in real journalism, they
just collect as many clicks as they possibly

00:01:18.830 --> 00:01:22.400
can in order to keep the advertisers happy.

00:01:22.400 --> 00:01:27.020
This isn't what he hoped he would be doing
with his life, but a gig's a gig, so he comes

00:01:27.020 --> 00:01:30.130
into the office each day and does his best
anyway.

00:01:30.130 --> 00:01:34.840
15 Foods that Look Like Faces, What Kind of
Sweater Are You?

00:01:34.840 --> 00:01:37.680
The Internet is going NUTS for this Hungry
Possum!

00:01:37.680 --> 00:01:41.180
It isn't changing the world, but he's pretty
good at what he does.

00:01:41.180 --> 00:01:43.280
At least, he thinks so.

00:01:43.280 --> 00:01:47.790
His boss doesn't agree, and calls him into
his office for a meeting.

00:01:47.790 --> 00:01:51.030
The advertisers aren't pleased, his boss explains.

00:01:51.030 --> 00:01:53.430
Views are on the decline, and only getting
worse.

00:01:53.430 --> 00:01:58.030
In an increasingly competitive digital media
landscape, they need to get as many eyes on

00:01:58.030 --> 00:02:01.240
their work as possible, and at least twice
as many clicks.

00:02:01.240 --> 00:02:06.380
He tries to defend himself, to say that he's
churning out content as fast as he can, but

00:02:06.380 --> 00:02:08.110
the boss won't hear it.

00:02:08.110 --> 00:02:12.340
He gives the young man a simple directive:
spend the day browsing the internet and looking

00:02:12.340 --> 00:02:14.830
for the best clickbait out there.

00:02:14.830 --> 00:02:18.819
There's no use arguing with the boss when
he gets in a mood, so the would-be reporter

00:02:18.819 --> 00:02:23.210
dutifully refills his coffee mug, takes a
cursory glance at the motivational poster

00:02:23.210 --> 00:02:27.970
depicting a kitten hanging onto a branch with
a look of determination in its eyes, and returns

00:02:27.970 --> 00:02:28.970
to his desk.

00:02:28.970 --> 00:02:31.300
Then, he begins to scroll.

00:02:31.300 --> 00:02:33.980
He isn't sure how long he scrolls for.

00:02:33.980 --> 00:02:38.319
He scrolls until his coffee cup is empty,
then full, then empty again.

00:02:38.319 --> 00:02:41.700
He scrolls until his eyes begin to burn and
blur from the strain.

00:02:41.700 --> 00:02:47.280
He scrolls past recipe roundups and adorable,
unlikely animal friendships, past celebrity

00:02:47.280 --> 00:02:50.230
gossip, and incomprehensible cooking fails.

00:02:50.230 --> 00:02:55.260
None of it is even remotely helpful, and it
barely makes a dent in his glassy-eyed autopilot

00:02:55.260 --> 00:02:56.300
state.

00:02:56.300 --> 00:02:59.890
Until suddenly, his scrolling comes to a halt.

00:02:59.890 --> 00:03:04.790
His cursor hovers over a headline, so utterly
bizarre that he can't be sure exactly whether

00:03:04.790 --> 00:03:06.670
he is really reading it or not.

00:03:06.670 --> 00:03:09.769
He rubs his eyes, blinking a few times to
be sure.

00:03:09.769 --> 00:03:15.400
There, inviting, begging him to click, are
the words: "Grocery clerks live in abject

00:03:15.400 --> 00:03:17.000
TERROR of this man!

00:03:17.000 --> 00:03:21.780
His one strange trick will save you hundreds
on groceries and make your enemies weep!"

00:03:21.780 --> 00:03:26.280
Of course, when he does click on the link,
it's just a simple article about which coupons

00:03:26.280 --> 00:03:30.480
to clip on one's weekly grocery trip in order
to get the best deals.

00:03:30.480 --> 00:03:35.360
The image attached to the piece is a bit unsettling,
featuring a smiling cashier staring directly

00:03:35.360 --> 00:03:40.730
into the camera with a wide, wide smile and
tears streaming down his face.

00:03:40.730 --> 00:03:43.799
But other than that, it's nothing especially
notable.

00:03:43.799 --> 00:03:47.170
By the time the writer is on his way home
from work that evening, and decides to swing

00:03:47.170 --> 00:03:50.751
by the grocery store to pick up a few things,
he has completely forgotten about it.

00:03:50.751 --> 00:03:55.569
At least, until something very unusual reminds
him.

00:03:55.569 --> 00:03:59.189
The writer is approaching the cash register
with his small cart full of items, when he

00:03:59.189 --> 00:04:03.880
suddenly feels a curious tingling feeling
in his eyes, like static electricity in the

00:04:03.880 --> 00:04:05.730
back of his eye sockets.

00:04:05.730 --> 00:04:10.260
The woman at the cash register begins to greet
him, but suddenly freezes, her eyes widening,

00:04:10.260 --> 00:04:12.299
her smile dropping.

00:04:12.299 --> 00:04:15.420
Whatever she can see on his face, she is terrified
of it.

00:04:15.420 --> 00:04:20.030
He catches a glimpse at himself in the security
monitor near the register, and sees that his

00:04:20.030 --> 00:04:22.380
eyes have gone completely black.

00:04:22.380 --> 00:04:26.600
It is as inexplicable as it is eerie, and
he is just about to decide if he should seek

00:04:26.600 --> 00:04:31.340
medical attention, when the cash register
suddenly begins to emit a high-pitched squealing

00:04:31.340 --> 00:04:32.340
sound.

00:04:32.340 --> 00:04:35.970
There is a smell of burning plastic, and smoke
begins to rise from the cash register.

00:04:35.970 --> 00:04:40.330
The increasingly panicked cashier chokes out
a plea for the man to simply take his things

00:04:40.330 --> 00:04:41.880
and leave the store, immediately.

00:04:41.880 --> 00:04:46.160
The man is shocked and confused, but he's
also not about to turn down the offer of free

00:04:46.160 --> 00:04:50.650
groceries on a writer's budget, so he scoops
up his items and runs out of the store.

00:04:50.650 --> 00:04:54.400
By the time he reaches his car, his eyes have
returned to normal.

00:04:54.400 --> 00:05:00.490
Wait a second...free groceries, a terrified
cashier...that off-putting headline from before

00:05:00.490 --> 00:05:03.789
seems to have somehow come true!

00:05:03.789 --> 00:05:08.470
He can't explain exactly how it happened,
but he knows one thing for certain: he's got

00:05:08.470 --> 00:05:10.910
something exciting to report to his boss in
the morning!

00:05:10.910 --> 00:05:15.770
The man practically leaps out of bed in excitement
the next day, rushing into the office to tell

00:05:15.770 --> 00:05:20.250
his boss about the strange encounter and its
potential connection to the clickbait research.

00:05:20.250 --> 00:05:25.050
However, his boss does not believe him, displaying
a surprising amount of incredulity for someone

00:05:25.050 --> 00:05:28.350
who lines his pockets off of the gullibility
of online strangers.

00:05:28.350 --> 00:05:33.270
He laughs in the young writer's face, accusing
him of trying to get out of work by lying.

00:05:33.270 --> 00:05:37.500
The boss sits down at his desk, returns his
gaze to his computer, and tells the young

00:05:37.500 --> 00:05:40.360
writer to get out of his office and get back
to work.

00:05:40.360 --> 00:05:45.260
He doesn't notice the young man's eyes suddenly
going black, doesn't notice the strange burning

00:05:45.260 --> 00:05:49.620
smell in the air, until his computer monitor
suddenly explodes in a flash of light and

00:05:49.620 --> 00:05:54.610
a flurry of broken pieces, several of which
fly directly into his eyes.

00:05:54.610 --> 00:05:58.380
The boss collapses out of his chair, lying
on the ground with his hands covering his

00:05:58.380 --> 00:06:00.780
eyes, crying out in pain.

00:06:00.780 --> 00:06:04.510
The young writer is horrified at first, but
then he remembers the second part of that

00:06:04.510 --> 00:06:08.490
strange headline: "make your enemies weep."

00:06:08.490 --> 00:06:12.990
He hadn't previously considered his boss an
enemy, but in this moment, he certainly seems

00:06:12.990 --> 00:06:14.449
to be weeping.

00:06:14.449 --> 00:06:17.889
The young writer calls out to his coworkers,
telling them to call an ambulance for their

00:06:17.889 --> 00:06:19.270
injured boss.

00:06:19.270 --> 00:06:23.620
As one of the interns dials 9-1-1, the young
writer informs his boss that he will be resigning

00:06:23.620 --> 00:06:26.190
from his position here, effective immediately.

00:06:26.190 --> 00:06:30.250
Through his tears, the boss demands to know
why.

00:06:30.250 --> 00:06:35.259
The young writer shrugs and simply says: "Something
I read changed my mind."

00:06:35.259 --> 00:06:37.800
The young writer packs up his desk and heads
home for the day.

00:06:37.800 --> 00:06:42.050
He'll have to find a new writing job in a
competitive climate, but he doesn't feel too

00:06:42.050 --> 00:06:43.050
concerned.

00:06:43.050 --> 00:06:47.970
He feels confident in himself, his ability
to be heard, and his new weird trick for getting

00:06:47.970 --> 00:06:49.610
free groceries.

00:06:49.610 --> 00:06:54.720
Who knows what else the future holds, all
because he took the bait and decided to click?

00:06:54.720 --> 00:06:56.760
The young writer is lucky.

00:06:56.760 --> 00:07:01.480
Not everyone who encounters a mysterious link
and decides to follow it winds up with a beneficial

00:07:01.480 --> 00:07:02.870
new ability.

00:07:02.870 --> 00:07:08.470
For some, the consequences are far more disturbing,
dangerous, and even deadly.

00:07:08.470 --> 00:07:12.530
He doesn't know it, but the young writer didn't
just encounter an ordinary piece of clickbait

00:07:12.530 --> 00:07:13.530
journalism.

00:07:13.530 --> 00:07:16.590
He clicked on SCP-3299.

00:07:16.590 --> 00:07:22.530
SCP-3299 refers to a series of cognitohazardous
internet advertisements in the style often

00:07:22.530 --> 00:07:24.970
referred to as "clickbait."

00:07:24.970 --> 00:07:28.940
These sensationalized links and headlines
entice the viewer to engage with them in order

00:07:28.940 --> 00:07:31.639
to learn more about their salacious claims.

00:07:31.639 --> 00:07:33.550
They bait the person to click.

00:07:33.550 --> 00:07:34.780
You get the idea.

00:07:34.780 --> 00:07:39.590
Ordinarily, the worst outcome of clicking
on a clickbait ad is a bit of wasted time,

00:07:39.590 --> 00:07:42.919
some annoyance, or possibly a few unsavory
popups.

00:07:42.919 --> 00:07:48.819
However, if an individual follows one of the
links classified as SCP-3299, and reads the

00:07:48.819 --> 00:07:55.169
headline and full body of its associated article,
they will experience an anomalous effect.

00:07:55.169 --> 00:08:00.030
This effect consists of one or more mental
or physical alterations to the subject coinciding

00:08:00.030 --> 00:08:05.139
with the headline and contents of the SCP-3299
article they read.

00:08:05.139 --> 00:08:11.169
These alterations are, as far as the SCP Foundation
has been able to determine, irreversible.

00:08:11.169 --> 00:08:14.240
Amnestics are unable to remove the mental
effects at any dose.

00:08:14.240 --> 00:08:18.330
It should be noted, however, that some of
the more minor physical alterations can be

00:08:18.330 --> 00:08:20.990
repaired, or at least hidden, with surgery.

00:08:20.990 --> 00:08:26.210
So far, there have been 247 recorded variations
of SCP-3299.

00:08:26.210 --> 00:08:31.090
The content of these instances is significantly
different from case to case, but does tend

00:08:31.090 --> 00:08:33.709
notably toward the absurd.

00:08:33.709 --> 00:08:39.830
I was unable to access all 247 instances on
record, but I did find several relevant and

00:08:39.830 --> 00:08:42.620
deeply bizarre examples.

00:08:42.620 --> 00:08:46.990
One link, reading "This woman's one weird
trick will make you younger!

00:08:46.990 --> 00:08:48.270
Doctors hate her!"

00:08:48.270 --> 00:08:52.410
linked to an article including details on
a homemade facial ointment made up of household

00:08:52.410 --> 00:08:56.230
goods, intended to make a person's skin look
more youthful.

00:08:56.230 --> 00:09:00.690
Any subjects who read this article and were
not educated to a PhD level immediately began

00:09:00.690 --> 00:09:06.040
to look noticeably younger, their apparent
age decreased by a rate between 20 and 30

00:09:06.040 --> 00:09:07.040
percent.

00:09:07.040 --> 00:09:10.360
Several D-Class were instructed to read this
instance, and all of them displayed a more

00:09:10.360 --> 00:09:12.750
youthful appearance immediately after.

00:09:12.750 --> 00:09:17.180
Gray hair returned to its original color,
wrinkles disappeared, and in the case of one

00:09:17.180 --> 00:09:21.410
elderly D-Class, liver spots vanished from
hands.

00:09:21.410 --> 00:09:25.870
Curious about the potential impact on any
doctors that might be exposed to the article,

00:09:25.870 --> 00:09:29.750
researchers gathered a few volunteers from
within the staff of the Foundation itself.

00:09:29.750 --> 00:09:35.490
These subjects, all of whom had at least one
PhD, became consumed with irrational rage

00:09:35.490 --> 00:09:39.750
toward the woman in the article, their feelings
growing so intense that they were unable to

00:09:39.750 --> 00:09:42.100
focus on anything else.

00:09:42.100 --> 00:09:47.040
Despite never meeting this woman, and knowing
very little about her, these doctors hated

00:09:47.040 --> 00:09:48.149
her.

00:09:48.149 --> 00:09:51.930
The administration of amnestics did nothing
to quell the hatred the doctors felt toward

00:09:51.930 --> 00:09:56.060
this unknown woman, and they were eventually
removed from their positions and placed under

00:09:56.060 --> 00:09:59.230
permanent medical and psychological care.

00:09:59.230 --> 00:10:04.250
All testing on non-D Class personnel was officially
suspended in order to avoid future complications

00:10:04.250 --> 00:10:06.420
of a similar nature.

00:10:06.420 --> 00:10:11.950
Another headline, reading: "This intense footage
will shake even the most skeptic nonbeliever!"

00:10:11.950 --> 00:10:16.050
led anyone who clicked on it to a short video
that featured maintenance lights flashing

00:10:16.050 --> 00:10:18.390
in an underground train line tunnel.

00:10:18.390 --> 00:10:22.210
As the video progressed, the lights formed
the shape of a human face.

00:10:22.210 --> 00:10:24.760
Then, the video stopped.

00:10:24.760 --> 00:10:29.500
As soon as the video clip cut out, anyone
who viewed it began to physically vibrate

00:10:29.500 --> 00:10:36.450
at a frequency between 00Hz and 2.3Khz, their
bodies producing a noticeable, unceasing sound.

00:10:36.450 --> 00:10:40.709
This effect was permanent, continuing even
after a subject's death.

00:10:40.709 --> 00:10:45.160
However, aside from causing general annoyance
to those around them, this change does not

00:10:45.160 --> 00:10:48.450
appear to have any long-term health impacts.

00:10:48.450 --> 00:10:54.070
One of the most unsettling instances of SCP-3299
cataloged during its initial study consisted

00:10:54.070 --> 00:10:59.589
of a link reading, "This uncomfortable video
of a clam will irreversibly change you!"

00:10:59.589 --> 00:11:03.820
When the unfortunate subject clicked the link,
it led to an article featuring several photos

00:11:03.820 --> 00:11:09.750
of Mercenaria, hard clams, in various stages
of their life cycle, with accompanying descriptive

00:11:09.750 --> 00:11:10.750
text.

00:11:10.750 --> 00:11:14.700
Notably, no video was present, in spite of
the link's claims.

00:11:14.700 --> 00:11:18.850
In order to monitor the effects of this instance,
a D-Class was forced to read the headline

00:11:18.850 --> 00:11:21.350
and article in its entirety.

00:11:21.350 --> 00:11:26.209
Approximately six hours after the man finished
reading the instance, his body began to rapidly

00:11:26.209 --> 00:11:30.700
transform, taking on extreme morphological
changes.

00:11:30.700 --> 00:11:35.000
His hands hardened and crusted over, forming
into solid structures resembling the shells

00:11:35.000 --> 00:11:36.589
of bi-valve clams.

00:11:36.589 --> 00:11:40.940
He tried to run from the room, but crashed
to the floor as his legs fused together into

00:11:40.940 --> 00:11:46.120
one large, thick, single appendage that medical
staff described as resembling the "foot" of

00:11:46.120 --> 00:11:47.370
a clam.

00:11:47.370 --> 00:11:51.670
The D-Class could not be returned to a humanoid
state, and is most likely still in his clam-like

00:11:51.670 --> 00:11:53.750
form to this day.

00:11:53.750 --> 00:11:57.540
That is, unless one of the attending researchers
decided to try steaming him with a white wine

00:11:57.540 --> 00:11:59.959
garlic sauce and serving him over linguine.

00:11:59.959 --> 00:12:02.940
Which I do recommend, by the way.

00:12:02.940 --> 00:12:03.940
For real clams.

00:12:03.940 --> 00:12:05.120
Not people.

00:12:05.120 --> 00:12:10.060
These are only a handful of examples from
the initial discovery of SCP-3299, and I can

00:12:10.060 --> 00:12:13.940
only imagine what other horrors await in the
classified archives.

00:12:13.940 --> 00:12:19.550
After first learning about SCP-3299 in 2016,
I often wished that I had more examples to

00:12:19.550 --> 00:12:24.690
sort through, and approximately one year later,
the proverbial monkey's paw curled one finger

00:12:24.690 --> 00:12:27.950
inward, and my wish was granted.

00:12:27.950 --> 00:12:34.510
On November 3, 2017, a new strain of SCP-3299
was detected on websites frequently used by

00:12:34.510 --> 00:12:37.089
popular advertising services.

00:12:37.089 --> 00:12:42.130
These new, more efficient instances consist
of only one headline and an image or video.

00:12:42.130 --> 00:12:46.269
It is no longer required for a subject to
read the attached article in order to trigger

00:12:46.269 --> 00:12:50.320
the adverse effects, and simply reading the
headline and viewing the image or video that

00:12:50.320 --> 00:12:52.610
accompanies it are enough.

00:12:52.610 --> 00:12:57.720
One of the first new instances of SCP-3299
detected was a headline reading, "This Is

00:12:57.720 --> 00:12:58.740
Not A Joke.

00:12:58.740 --> 00:13:00.510
You May Laugh, But You Shouldn't.

00:13:00.510 --> 00:13:02.139
It's Quite Horrifying!"

00:13:02.139 --> 00:13:06.209
When a D-Class clicked this link, it led him
to seven close-up photographs of the faces

00:13:06.209 --> 00:13:10.020
of seven individuals, each with an accompanying
block of text.

00:13:10.020 --> 00:13:15.010
This text was incoherent, consisting of random
combinations of various letters.

00:13:15.010 --> 00:13:19.010
At first, it appeared that there were no lasting
effects from the D-Class's exposure to this

00:13:19.010 --> 00:13:20.010
instance.

00:13:20.010 --> 00:13:24.880
But then, approximately twenty minutes later,
after a supervising researcher shared a particularly

00:13:24.880 --> 00:13:29.310
amusing knock-knock joke, the D-Class burst
out laughing.

00:13:29.310 --> 00:13:34.560
As soon as the first laugh escaped his lips,
an incorporeal entity resembling Judith Sheindlin,

00:13:34.560 --> 00:13:38.750
more commonly known as Judge Judy, manifested
near him.

00:13:38.750 --> 00:13:42.490
The entity stared sternly at the man, who
claimed to hear her shouting at him to cut

00:13:42.490 --> 00:13:47.220
it out, though her expression remained still
to all nearby observers.

00:13:47.220 --> 00:13:51.090
Five minutes after the test subject stopped
laughing, the entity that resembled Judge

00:13:51.090 --> 00:13:56.580
Judy but could not have possibly been Judge
Judy disappeared from view.

00:13:56.580 --> 00:14:01.060
Another anomalous link claimed, "These confidence
tips will help people see you differently!

00:14:01.060 --> 00:14:03.160
#3 changed my life!"

00:14:03.160 --> 00:14:07.850
The link led to a 40-second video clip of
an unidentified man making seemingly random

00:14:07.850 --> 00:14:11.310
sounds, as unrelated words flashed up on the
screen.

00:14:11.310 --> 00:14:15.899
The D-Class assigned to this particular instance
immediately began complaining of extreme pain

00:14:15.899 --> 00:14:18.649
as soon as the researchers in the room looked
at her.

00:14:18.649 --> 00:14:24.279
When I say complaining, I really mean "screaming
and clutching at her head in abject agony."

00:14:24.279 --> 00:14:29.240
Being a team composed of the extremely curious
and not especially empathetic, the researchers

00:14:29.240 --> 00:14:33.890
continued to look at the D-Class in spite
of her pleas for them to look away.

00:14:33.890 --> 00:14:39.440
After five hours of continuous pain, the D-Class's
skin began to harden and stiffen, preventing

00:14:39.440 --> 00:14:41.140
her from moving.

00:14:41.140 --> 00:14:43.920
Twenty hours later, her skin had completely
transformed.

00:14:43.920 --> 00:14:49.380
It was hard, cracked, gray in color, and resembled
concrete.

00:14:49.380 --> 00:14:53.089
She was completely frozen in place, a living
statue.

00:14:53.089 --> 00:14:58.560
However, as soon as the researchers averted
their eyes, she transformed back into an ordinary,

00:14:58.560 --> 00:15:00.360
non-stone human being.

00:15:00.360 --> 00:15:04.690
She was placed in solitary confinement, where
she presumably remains to this day whenever

00:15:04.690 --> 00:15:07.279
her anomalous state is not being tested.

00:15:07.279 --> 00:15:12.060
The link, "If Your Body Suddenly Jerks While
Falling Asleep, THIS Is What It Means" led

00:15:12.060 --> 00:15:16.740
to an image of an unidentified woman laying
in bed, her eyes wide and mouth open in a

00:15:16.740 --> 00:15:18.200
shocked expression.

00:15:18.200 --> 00:15:23.480
First, a D-Class was shown this instance,
and then he was instructed to go to sleep.

00:15:23.480 --> 00:15:28.180
Just as he was falling asleep, the man experienced
a hypnic jerk, or a muscle spasm in the early

00:15:28.180 --> 00:15:29.660
stages of sleep.

00:15:29.660 --> 00:15:35.340
Suddenly, he vanished, and could not be found
until 9:14 AM the following morning, when

00:15:35.340 --> 00:15:39.639
he reappeared one meter off the ground in
the middle of the site cafeteria, before crashing

00:15:39.639 --> 00:15:41.089
to the ground.

00:15:41.089 --> 00:15:45.660
Over the next few days, this anomalous effect
occurred again, each time coinciding with

00:15:45.660 --> 00:15:48.310
the onset of a hypnic jerk.

00:15:48.310 --> 00:15:52.080
The D-Class was not able to recall anything
that happened during the missing time, and

00:15:52.080 --> 00:15:56.720
likened it to falling into a deep dreamless
sleep, only to suddenly wake up in midair

00:15:56.720 --> 00:15:59.170
somewhere he had been in the prior 48 hours.

00:15:59.170 --> 00:16:04.610
When a D-Class was instructed to click on
"This local woman lost 20 kilos in a month!

00:16:04.610 --> 00:16:07.199
Click to find out what two ingredients she
used!"

00:16:07.199 --> 00:16:11.590
He was met with the image of a slender woman
wearing a pair of denim jeans, several sizes

00:16:11.590 --> 00:16:15.460
too large for her, holding the waist away
from her abdomen like a classic weight loss

00:16:15.460 --> 00:16:17.149
supplement ad.

00:16:17.149 --> 00:16:23.399
The text of the article was simply the word
"feed," repeated 713 times.

00:16:23.399 --> 00:16:27.690
As soon as he finished reading the article,
the test subject expressed an unusual craving

00:16:27.690 --> 00:16:29.090
for grass and kerosene.

00:16:29.090 --> 00:16:33.871
He was provided some of each, and much to
the shock of the research team, he was both

00:16:33.871 --> 00:16:37.940
willing and able to consume and metabolize
both.

00:16:37.940 --> 00:16:42.640
He was given a simple peanut butter sandwich
as well, but was unable to digest it.

00:16:42.640 --> 00:16:46.560
When he stopped eating grass and kerosene
for longer than three hours, his body began

00:16:46.560 --> 00:16:50.250
to convert muscle and bone into fat cells.

00:16:50.250 --> 00:16:54.670
The process stopped as soon as he began to
eat the requested materials.

00:16:54.670 --> 00:16:58.910
These changes to his digestive system were
irreversible, but it did give the Foundation

00:16:58.910 --> 00:17:03.449
a convenient disposal method for any excess
grass clippings or kerosene.

00:17:03.449 --> 00:17:09.110
The ultimate recorded instance of SCP-3299
that I was able to access apparently reads,

00:17:09.110 --> 00:17:14.640
threateningly, "She Pulled It Out Thinking
It Was A Blackhead But It Was Something Else,

00:17:14.640 --> 00:17:15.900
OMG!"

00:17:15.900 --> 00:17:20.490
The D-Class chosen for testing with this particular
instance followed the link to a 21-second

00:17:20.490 --> 00:17:25.449
clip from a nature documentary that featured
bees smothering a hornet to death, slowed

00:17:25.449 --> 00:17:28.550
down until it was 10 hours long.

00:17:28.550 --> 00:17:33.440
This particular D-Class was selected due to
the presence of a blackhead on his nose.

00:17:33.440 --> 00:17:38.530
Following his exposure to the SCP-3299 link,
he was given a mirror and instructed to pop

00:17:38.530 --> 00:17:40.520
said blackhead.

00:17:40.520 --> 00:17:45.260
When he popped the blemish, a massive amount
of arthropods began to pour out of the resulting

00:17:45.260 --> 00:17:46.700
wound.

00:17:46.700 --> 00:17:51.760
This continued for 32 seconds before mercifully
stopping, and no additional damage remained

00:17:51.760 --> 00:17:54.059
after the arthropods stopped emerging.

00:17:54.059 --> 00:17:59.150
Since this initial test, over 5,000 different
species of arthropod have been identified

00:17:59.150 --> 00:18:02.000
emerging from wounds on the test subject.

00:18:02.000 --> 00:18:07.549
The exact origin of SCP-3299 is unknown, but
attempts to trace its source have turned up

00:18:07.549 --> 00:18:14.169
a pattern of inconclusive data matching that
of SCP-2964, or the anomalous video streaming

00:18:14.169 --> 00:18:18.020
service "Xtreme Videozzz."

00:18:18.020 --> 00:18:23.030
All major internet advertising agencies' outputs
will be monitored automatically by Foundation-designed

00:18:23.030 --> 00:18:28.630
software I/O-BEHOLDER for any instances of
SCP-3299.

00:18:28.630 --> 00:18:33.230
If any instances are detected, they must be
deleted using previously installed Foundation

00:18:33.230 --> 00:18:38.049
Trojan software, and an attempt to track the
source of the instance must be made.

00:18:38.049 --> 00:18:42.620
Individuals found to have been affected by
SCP-3299 must be brought into custody, and

00:18:42.620 --> 00:18:44.850
given treatment on a case-by-case basis.

00:18:44.850 --> 00:18:50.010
The ideal treatment is amnestics followed
by release, but, if necessary, treatments

00:18:50.010 --> 00:18:53.840
including corrective surgery and permanent
containment in the Anomalous Humanoid Wing

00:18:53.840 --> 00:18:56.620
of Site-17 may be employed.

00:18:56.620 --> 00:19:00.220
We used to believe that what happened on the
internet couldn't really hurt you.

00:19:00.220 --> 00:19:07.510
Now we know better, but SCP-3299 proves that
it can get so much weirder, and more dangerous,

00:19:07.510 --> 00:19:11.700
than viruses, identity theft, and angry pop
music fans.

00:19:11.700 --> 00:19:15.429
So the next time you're casually browsing
the internet and a strange headline grabs

00:19:15.429 --> 00:19:19.100
your attention, remember the Ten Reasons you
SHOULDN'T click on it!

00:19:19.100 --> 00:19:20.950
Number eight will surprise you!

00:19:20.950 --> 00:19:25.800
Check out the Dr. Bob Patreon and become a
junior researcher today!

00:19:25.800 --> 00:19:31.749
Now go and watch another entry from the files
of Dr. Bob, like "SCP-1104 - Nose Crab!"