WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:00.369 --> 00:00:03.689 A woman wakes up on a bright, sunny morning in Midland, Texas. 00:00:03.689 --> 00:00:07.640 It’s her day off, and she decides she’s going to use the time to take care of all 00:00:07.640 --> 00:00:11.050 the lingering errands she’d been putting off for far too long. 00:00:11.050 --> 00:00:16.431 She gets dressed, washes her hair, and prepares to pour herself a nice bowl of cereal. 00:00:16.431 --> 00:00:18.650 But when she opens the refrigerator she finds… 00:00:18.650 --> 00:00:19.920 there’s no milk. 00:00:19.920 --> 00:00:22.830 She’ll need to see to that immediately. 00:00:22.830 --> 00:00:26.150 She steps out of her front door and notices a paper on her doormat. 00:00:26.150 --> 00:00:30.910 She bends down to pick up the pamphlet which advertises a new supermarket opening in town, 00:00:30.910 --> 00:00:33.680 and what do you know, there’s a coupon for milk attached. 00:00:33.680 --> 00:00:35.300 What a stroke of good luck! 00:00:35.300 --> 00:00:39.070 The woman makes her way into town, eager to check out the new grocery store. 00:00:39.070 --> 00:00:43.359 She parks her car, and approaches the building, when suddenly a stranger is standing right 00:00:43.359 --> 00:00:46.690 in front of her - carrying a plate of what appear to be free samples. 00:00:46.690 --> 00:00:50.760 He’s dressed like a supermarket employee, but he’s built like a soldier, complete 00:00:50.760 --> 00:00:52.839 with a military crew cut. 00:00:52.839 --> 00:00:56.629 He smiles and tells her that he actually works for a rival store and points at a building 00:00:56.629 --> 00:00:57.920 across the street. 00:00:57.920 --> 00:01:02.499 He’s positive that whatever she thinks she can get at this store, she can instead get 00:01:02.499 --> 00:01:06.080 at the one across the street for a lower cost and higher quality. 00:01:06.080 --> 00:01:10.660 She can’t help but notice the almost unsettling desperation in the salesman’s face. 00:01:10.660 --> 00:01:13.960 Something about his spiel makes her feel like she’s in danger. 00:01:13.960 --> 00:01:17.940 She politely declines his offer but he continues pitching deals and bargains at her as she 00:01:17.940 --> 00:01:20.720 makes her way into the safety of the new supermarket. 00:01:20.720 --> 00:01:26.060 The clean tiles below and the buzzing fluorescent lights above seem so familiar, yet also strangely 00:01:26.060 --> 00:01:27.720 alien to her. 00:01:27.720 --> 00:01:29.670 Something about this place is just… 00:01:29.670 --> 00:01:30.820 Wrong. 00:01:30.820 --> 00:01:35.060 But she needs the milk, so she walks down the aisles, deeper into the store. 00:01:35.060 --> 00:01:38.100 She hears strange noises and looks over her shoulder. 00:01:38.100 --> 00:01:40.440 Was the bread aisle always behind her? 00:01:40.440 --> 00:01:43.610 She could have sworn she just came out of the meat and fish section. 00:01:43.610 --> 00:01:46.200 Where do they even keep the milk in this place? 00:01:46.200 --> 00:01:49.540 Every so often, there’s a strange noise somewhere in the store around her. 00:01:49.540 --> 00:01:53.060 It sounds almost like footsteps, but not quite. 00:01:53.060 --> 00:01:55.670 More like claws tapping on the tiles. 00:01:55.670 --> 00:01:57.350 Is she alone in here? 00:01:57.350 --> 00:02:00.720 Come to think of it, she can’t quite remember seeing anyone else since she came in. 00:02:00.720 --> 00:02:05.600 There’s something so profoundly off about this place, but she just can’t put her finger 00:02:05.600 --> 00:02:07.010 on what. 00:02:07.010 --> 00:02:10.950 She takes a step forward, and suddenly, the floor gives way beneath her. 00:02:10.950 --> 00:02:15.120 The tiles separate with the whirr of mechanized gears, as a trap door opens up. 00:02:15.120 --> 00:02:17.900 In an instant, she’s tumbling down into darkness. 00:02:17.900 --> 00:02:22.680 As she falls she can see the white light beaming in from above illuminate the edge of something 00:02:22.680 --> 00:02:24.769 metal and razor sharp. 00:02:24.769 --> 00:02:28.879 In the store above, the sound of a scream can be heard, then the soft squish of metal 00:02:28.879 --> 00:02:34.319 piercing flesh followed by the gurgle of blood, and then the trap door closes. 00:02:34.319 --> 00:02:38.269 A tinny voice over the PA system comes on and says, “Clean up on aisle six.” 00:02:38.269 --> 00:02:41.999 The woman is never seen again after that. 00:02:41.999 --> 00:02:46.409 What superficially appears to be an independent supermarket in Midland, Texas, actually contains 00:02:46.409 --> 00:02:51.510 a number of strange and often deadly paranormal secrets, and that doesn’t even stop it from 00:02:51.510 --> 00:02:53.870 being a successful and popular supermarket. 00:02:53.870 --> 00:02:55.720 But the weirdest part of all? 00:02:55.720 --> 00:02:59.200 It’s all perfectly legal, thank you very much. 00:02:59.200 --> 00:03:04.420 Welcome to Yeah, We're Totally Going to Sell You This - Or, as it’s known to the SCP 00:03:04.420 --> 00:03:07.200 Foundation, SCP-4703. 00:03:07.200 --> 00:03:12.650 The primary anomalous effects surrounding SCP-4703 affect not its customers, but the 00:03:12.650 --> 00:03:15.810 very legality of its own existence and operations. 00:03:15.810 --> 00:03:21.230 The anomalies shift laws to make everything that goes on inside legal, no matter how unethical 00:03:21.230 --> 00:03:22.230 or dangerous. 00:03:22.230 --> 00:03:27.080 It also often reshapes laws to protect its own interests from outsiders, and anyone who 00:03:27.080 --> 00:03:31.760 breaks these laws may experience spontaneous attacks from violent animals, the most common 00:03:31.760 --> 00:03:34.340 of which are vicious lions. 00:03:34.340 --> 00:03:38.640 Here are a handful of the unethical and dangerous - yet perfectly legal, thank you very much 00:03:38.640 --> 00:03:43.329 - things that go on within the confines of SCP-4703. 00:03:43.329 --> 00:03:47.340 The stacks of shelves are mounted on powerful pneumatic actuators that seem to shift and 00:03:47.340 --> 00:03:49.150 spin of their own accord. 00:03:49.150 --> 00:03:53.599 While this has the intention of keeping the store varied and stopping customers from leaving, 00:03:53.599 --> 00:03:56.920 it more often causes serious injury with its sudden movements. 00:03:56.920 --> 00:04:01.430 Occasionally, these sets of shelves will collide, crushing whatever is stuck between them. 00:04:01.430 --> 00:04:05.659 If a child becomes lost or separated from their parents while they’re inside the store, 00:04:05.659 --> 00:04:10.599 the child is forcibly detained, and the parent or parents can only get their child back by 00:04:10.599 --> 00:04:16.790 either paying an upfront cost of $47.67 in cash or submitting to having their eyebrows 00:04:16.790 --> 00:04:19.700 permanently removed with laser follicle surgery. 00:04:19.700 --> 00:04:24.289 There are also several dozen hidden trapdoor mechanisms beneath the floor in various parts 00:04:24.289 --> 00:04:28.850 of the building, each one triggered by some strange and arbitrary condition, such as saying 00:04:28.850 --> 00:04:32.800 the word Wednesday, or by not saying the word Wednesday. 00:04:32.800 --> 00:04:37.569 The triggers are updated each day and displayed on the store’s website in several dead languages, 00:04:37.569 --> 00:04:41.260 including Latin, Koine Greek, Phoenician, and Punic. 00:04:41.260 --> 00:04:45.960 Each of these trap doors drops into deep shafts filled with some kind of hazard, such as spikes, 00:04:45.960 --> 00:04:48.129 glitter, or poisonous snakes. 00:04:48.129 --> 00:04:51.010 Yes, that’s poisonous, not venomous. 00:04:51.010 --> 00:04:55.060 The snakes are only dangerous when eaten, but victims have reported that they seem incredibly 00:04:55.060 --> 00:04:58.310 appealing which makes resisting them rather difficult. 00:04:58.310 --> 00:05:02.659 A section on the far side of the store is marked “Starving for SAVINGS???” 00:05:02.659 --> 00:05:07.550 and “Discounts ad bestias!!!”, where all the products are fenced off and also marked 00:05:07.550 --> 00:05:09.699 down by 70% or more. 00:05:09.699 --> 00:05:14.540 However, the products are guarded by no less than fifteen hungry lions. 00:05:14.540 --> 00:05:18.990 Store-branded fishing rods, telescopic grabbing mechanisms, and drones are available to rent 00:05:18.990 --> 00:05:23.349 for the explicit purpose of retrieving items remotely, although this will result in far 00:05:23.349 --> 00:05:28.040 higher costs, so you will have to brave the lions in order to attain those incredible 00:05:28.040 --> 00:05:29.040 deals. 00:05:29.040 --> 00:05:33.210 There’s also a roughly five percent chance that, after checkout, your cashier will ask 00:05:33.210 --> 00:05:34.819 you to kiss them on the lips. 00:05:34.819 --> 00:05:38.789 If you refuse, they’ll burn your purchases in front of you, and you won’t receive a 00:05:38.789 --> 00:05:39.789 refund. 00:05:39.789 --> 00:05:43.500 If you do kiss them, there’s a one in three chance that the cashier will have an anomalous 00:05:43.500 --> 00:05:47.430 toxin on their lips that will cause you to drop dead instantly. 00:05:47.430 --> 00:05:52.140 And every day, at an arbitrary time between the hours of 3 PM and closing time, the lions 00:05:52.140 --> 00:05:56.240 will be released from the discount section to roam the store, and only two checkout lines 00:05:56.240 --> 00:05:57.590 will remain open. 00:05:57.590 --> 00:06:02.400 All items will be free during this period but they must be scanned one by one. 00:06:02.400 --> 00:06:08.010 The SCP Foundation is currently exploring links between SCP-4703 and two other anomalies 00:06:08.010 --> 00:06:15.409 like SCP-2030 and SCP-1459, the former being the cursed hidden camera show Laugh Is Fun 00:06:15.409 --> 00:06:18.810 and the latter being a nightmarish vending machine that murders puppies and dispenses 00:06:18.810 --> 00:06:21.440 a variety of cookies in exchange. 00:06:21.440 --> 00:06:26.020 So then if it is so dangerous, why doesn’t the SCP Foundation simply block access to 00:06:26.020 --> 00:06:28.190 Yeah, We're Totally Going to Sell You This? 00:06:28.190 --> 00:06:33.889 Unfortunately,, thanks to the anomalous legal effect created by SCP-4703, the Foundation 00:06:33.889 --> 00:06:36.580 can’t just storm in or physically contain the building. 00:06:36.580 --> 00:06:42.240 So instead they attempt to divert as many customers away from 4703 as possible. 00:06:42.240 --> 00:06:46.620 To do this, the Foundation has started a rival supermarket across the street, named Super 00:06:46.620 --> 00:06:49.449 Competitive Prices LLC. 00:06:49.449 --> 00:06:55.050 Sheldon M. Katz, esquire, is an SCP Foundation Lawyer and Bureauromancer - a thaumatologist 00:06:55.050 --> 00:06:59.520 skilled in the art of interfacing with anomalously bureaucratic SCPs, and he is spearheading 00:06:59.520 --> 00:07:04.150 the Foundation Legal Team’s efforts into combatting SCP-4703. 00:07:04.150 --> 00:07:10.370 Untangling the complex web of legality around SCP-4703 is a full-time job, after all, and 00:07:10.370 --> 00:07:14.389 in the following memo, Mr. Katz did all he could to articulate the sheer enormity of 00:07:14.389 --> 00:07:16.319 the problem they’re dealing with. 00:07:16.319 --> 00:07:18.250 He writes: 00:07:18.250 --> 00:07:22.300 “Counteraction of SCP-4703’s legal anomalies is a top-level priority for our department, 00:07:22.300 --> 00:07:26.330 and we are making every effort to resolve the matter in a way which minimizes loss of 00:07:26.330 --> 00:07:28.280 life and economic detriment. 00:07:28.280 --> 00:07:33.710 We have received a significant number of inquiries regarding the mechanism of SCP-4703's indisputable 00:07:33.710 --> 00:07:37.770 legality; unfortunately, there are no easy answers. 00:07:37.770 --> 00:07:39.320 Law is a human concept. 00:07:39.320 --> 00:07:41.800 It exists on paper because we write it down. 00:07:41.800 --> 00:07:44.610 It exists in practice because we enforce it. 00:07:44.610 --> 00:07:48.689 Generally we interpret and exercise the law through the scrutiny of semantics, intent, 00:07:48.689 --> 00:07:55.270 and precedent, yet bureaucratohazards such as SCP-4703 are not necessarily predicated 00:07:55.270 --> 00:08:00.460 on such things—in fact, the law as most know it has very little to do with the matter. 00:08:00.460 --> 00:08:05.090 While it's not a perfect comparison, one could say that baseline law is to anomalous law 00:08:05.090 --> 00:08:11.760 as arithmetic is to algebra: both are recognized as mathematics, but the latter is more abstract. 00:08:11.760 --> 00:08:14.639 Imagine that Timmy and Sally each have two apples. 00:08:14.639 --> 00:08:18.479 If Timmy gives Sally his apples, then Sally should end up with four. 00:08:18.479 --> 00:08:19.479 But she doesn't. 00:08:19.479 --> 00:08:20.479 She has ten. 00:08:20.479 --> 00:08:21.539 How can this be? 00:08:21.539 --> 00:08:26.229 Sally recounts the apples and reenacts the scenario over and over, but there is no mistake. 00:08:26.229 --> 00:08:28.159 Two and two make ten. 00:08:28.159 --> 00:08:29.870 It is an incontrovertible fact. 00:08:29.870 --> 00:08:34.350 You see, even if anomalies are irrational, they are factual, and it is essential that 00:08:34.350 --> 00:08:38.079 one accept this if they wish to develop a countervailing methodology. 00:08:38.079 --> 00:08:42.390 Once Sally accepts that her four apples have become ten, she reevaluates her radix and 00:08:42.390 --> 00:08:44.350 decides to recount the apples in base four. 00:08:44.350 --> 00:08:47.760 Suddenly, the "ten" apples are "10" apples. 00:08:47.760 --> 00:08:51.800 "10" is four in base four, which is the appropriate number of apples. 00:08:51.800 --> 00:08:52.800 Eureka! 00:08:52.800 --> 00:08:57.340 Sally collects another four apples, bringing the total to "twenty", which is "20", which 00:08:57.340 --> 00:09:01.860 is eight, which confirms that her new paradigm aligns with the abnormality. 00:09:01.860 --> 00:09:05.940 Form follows function according to the function of the form, and at last, everything makes 00:09:05.940 --> 00:09:07.010 sense. 00:09:07.010 --> 00:09:08.290 Except none of it does, really. 00:09:08.290 --> 00:09:11.620 A well-behaved reality oughtn't conflate the concrete with the abstract. 00:09:11.620 --> 00:09:16.320 If you initially perceived a countable sum of ten apples in base ten, then the equivalent 00:09:16.320 --> 00:09:20.550 number of apples in base four should be twenty-two, since it stands to reason that changing your 00:09:20.550 --> 00:09:24.610 subjective view of an outcome oughtn't alter the physical materials in the equation. 00:09:24.610 --> 00:09:29.430 However, we live in a very naughty reality which may, on a whim, allow a young girl to 00:09:29.430 --> 00:09:32.920 wield apples unbeholden to thermodynamics. 00:09:32.920 --> 00:09:37.310 This explanation is inadequate, of course, but hopefully it goes a small way toward helping 00:09:37.310 --> 00:09:41.370 you understand why the legal department is currently occupied with a comprehensive redrafting 00:09:41.370 --> 00:09:44.980 of Texas corporate law in a quaternary semiological system. 00:09:44.980 --> 00:09:49.500 This in itself would be an exceptional feat even for the most skilled of bureaucromancers, 00:09:49.500 --> 00:09:53.430 and it is further compounded by the necessary incorporation of contingency clauses against 00:09:53.430 --> 00:09:58.050 the self-aware fact patterns that keep legitimizing rabid lions into existence inside my goddamned 00:09:58.050 --> 00:09:59.330 bathroom. 00:09:59.330 --> 00:10:03.670 We are grateful to you, our valued colleagues, for your patience and cooperation as we work 00:10:03.670 --> 00:10:05.870 together toward a solution.” 00:10:05.870 --> 00:10:11.230 The Foundation is currently conducting a three-pronged attack against the forces of SCP-4703, the 00:10:11.230 --> 00:10:16.010 first being the Super Competitive Prices LLC competitive store, the second is the tireless 00:10:16.010 --> 00:10:21.220 efforts of Mr. Katz and his team against the trifling legal issues of SCP-4703, and the 00:10:21.220 --> 00:10:23.709 third is outright infiltration and espionage. 00:10:23.709 --> 00:10:28.279 Of course, when you’re going behind enemy lines, it’s crucial that the proper operative 00:10:28.279 --> 00:10:29.949 is selected for the job. 00:10:29.949 --> 00:10:34.130 It can’t just be anyone, dropped into a high-pressure situation like this. 00:10:34.130 --> 00:10:39.670 Especially considering the rapidly evolving nature of SCP-4703’s conditions, the SCP 00:10:39.670 --> 00:10:43.410 Foundation was more than aware that they might only get one shot at getting one of their 00:10:43.410 --> 00:10:45.760 own in and out of the building. 00:10:45.760 --> 00:10:52.089 For this task they selected Field Agent Felicity Blandina, code name: Karen of Justice. 00:10:52.089 --> 00:10:55.110 Blandina was uniquely qualified for a job like this. 00:10:55.110 --> 00:10:59.840 In personality tests conducted on all Foundation agents to test loyalty, they consistently 00:10:59.840 --> 00:11:04.820 found Blandina to be one of the most obtuse and shameless agents on the Foundation payroll. 00:11:04.820 --> 00:11:08.560 During group lunches with other staff members, she has been reported numerous times sending 00:11:08.560 --> 00:11:12.160 meals back to the kitchen when she felt they were unsatisfactory. 00:11:12.160 --> 00:11:16.529 And Foundation cyber-analysts have detected multiple posts on various social media networks 00:11:16.529 --> 00:11:20.959 made by her, directly tagging and criticizing brands that provided products or services 00:11:20.959 --> 00:11:23.430 she perceived as being sub-par. 00:11:23.430 --> 00:11:27.399 While these qualities made her a terror to the customer service staff in her local area, 00:11:27.399 --> 00:11:33.730 they made her the ideal candidate for bypassing the bureaucratic stronghold of SCP-4703. 00:11:33.730 --> 00:11:38.010 If anyone could do it, it would be Field Agent Felicity Blandina. 00:11:38.010 --> 00:11:42.180 She was sent into the building with an expired coupon under the pretense of being an unhappy 00:11:42.180 --> 00:11:43.180 customer. 00:11:43.180 --> 00:11:46.570 She spoke to a sales assistant inside the store named Daniel Paulson, who explained 00:11:46.570 --> 00:11:49.950 to her that her coupon was denied because it was only applicable when the recipient 00:11:49.950 --> 00:11:55.300 submitted to ritual castration performed by the SCP-4703 staff. 00:11:55.300 --> 00:11:59.259 Seeing as Agent Blandina didn’t have the necessary equipment to undergo such a procedure, 00:11:59.259 --> 00:12:03.140 Paulson generously offered to provide her with a free surgery to have the proper parts 00:12:03.140 --> 00:12:07.339 attached, though finding a suitable donor would likely take several months. 00:12:07.339 --> 00:12:11.110 Agent Blandina, following her well-trained Foundation directives, could not be assuaged 00:12:11.110 --> 00:12:12.110 by the bargain. 00:12:12.110 --> 00:12:16.380 Instead, she pressed on, first guilt-tripping him with sob stories about her children, then 00:12:16.380 --> 00:12:21.220 her lifelong struggles with astigmatism, and even threatening Paulson with physical violence. 00:12:21.220 --> 00:12:27.050 Eventually, she delivered the true coup de grace: Demanding to speak to the manager. 00:12:27.050 --> 00:12:30.860 Showing clear reluctance, Paulson agreed, and led Agent Blandina to a door near the 00:12:30.860 --> 00:12:32.030 front of the store. 00:12:32.030 --> 00:12:36.009 It opened up into an unlit staircase that descended into the darkness below. 00:12:36.009 --> 00:12:39.570 At the bottom, they found a break room that appeared similar to a bunkhouse in a Prisoner 00:12:39.570 --> 00:12:44.820 of War camp, containing hammock after hammock, filled with uncomfortable, sleeping employees. 00:12:44.820 --> 00:12:49.019 Paulson informed Agent Blandina that some of the people who work at the store were once 00:12:49.019 --> 00:12:52.779 normal civilians who’d been exploited with a number of legal loopholes, and now lived 00:12:52.779 --> 00:12:54.720 inside the store full time. 00:12:54.720 --> 00:12:58.889 Some, for example, had stayed in past closing time, which had resulted in them becoming 00:12:58.889 --> 00:13:01.850 store property for a minimum of a year. 00:13:01.850 --> 00:13:06.490 Paulson himself had entered a raffle for an abs transplant and instead won servitude at 00:13:06.490 --> 00:13:11.550 SCP-4703, which he couldn’t legally turn down thanks to the powerful anomalous laws 00:13:11.550 --> 00:13:12.550 of the store. 00:13:12.550 --> 00:13:17.079 As Paulson and Agent Blandina ventured deeper into the bowels of the staff area, they passed 00:13:17.079 --> 00:13:22.100 eleven unmarked doors, before finally stopping in front of the twelfth and last one. 00:13:22.100 --> 00:13:26.420 She opened the door and discovered shelves and stacked boxes within. 00:13:26.420 --> 00:13:30.339 Agent Blandina expressed incredulity at the idea that the store’s manager would be kept 00:13:30.339 --> 00:13:34.820 inside of a supply closet in the basement, but Paulson insisted that this was indeed 00:13:34.820 --> 00:13:39.750 the manager’s office, and as he did he pulled a string connected to the ceiling. 00:13:39.750 --> 00:13:43.800 This caused a wall of boxes to split down the middle like a secret doorway, revealing 00:13:43.800 --> 00:13:48.399 a large executive chair, facing the wall on the other side of the room. 00:13:48.399 --> 00:13:52.230 Still maintaining the cover story that she just wanted a discount, Agent Blandina pressed 00:13:52.230 --> 00:13:53.959 on and approached the chair. 00:13:53.959 --> 00:13:57.570 She spun it around to get a better look at the manager and found herself standing in 00:13:57.570 --> 00:14:01.779 front of a dessicated corpse, with no eyes and all of his teeth pulled out, his mouth 00:14:01.779 --> 00:14:05.320 wrenched open in a permanent, silent scream of terror. 00:14:05.320 --> 00:14:11.710 Paulson identified this man as Mr. Venatio Haruspice, the manager of SCP-4703. 00:14:11.710 --> 00:14:15.970 Paulson would have told Agent Blandina that his boss was a corpse earlier, but to do so 00:14:15.970 --> 00:14:18.089 was against their rules. 00:14:18.089 --> 00:14:22.170 Agent Blandina sighed and grumbled, “I feel like I should have expected this.” 00:14:22.170 --> 00:14:25.820 Paulson assured Agent Blandina that she could still make her complaint, though, and the 00:14:25.820 --> 00:14:27.870 Owner of the store would eventually hear it. 00:14:27.870 --> 00:14:32.860 As Paulson understood it, the body known as the Manager acted almost like a kind of telephone, 00:14:32.860 --> 00:14:35.110 sending messages through to the Owner. 00:14:35.110 --> 00:14:39.050 The Owner would then reply through faxed messages hidden inside the cereal boxes that acted 00:14:39.050 --> 00:14:42.000 as the only food source of the staff trapped within. 00:14:42.000 --> 00:14:46.390 This Kafkaesque nightmare just kept getting worse and worse, but Agent Blandina refused 00:14:46.390 --> 00:14:48.529 to give up that easily. 00:14:48.529 --> 00:14:52.630 Agent Blandina asked him to explain the exact nature of the manager’s condition to him. 00:14:52.630 --> 00:14:55.480 Paulson replied, “I know that he's legally our manager. 00:14:55.480 --> 00:14:57.730 I know that he's, well, what he is. 00:14:57.730 --> 00:15:01.350 I know that one of us always has to kiss him goodnight at closing time. 00:15:01.350 --> 00:15:05.149 I know that if we tell him something, the owner knows, but the owner seems to know everything 00:15:05.149 --> 00:15:08.610 that happens here anyway, so I can't be certain that's related. 00:15:08.610 --> 00:15:09.610 What else…? 00:15:09.610 --> 00:15:12.180 I know that he's empty— or hollow, actually. 00:15:12.180 --> 00:15:14.639 Hollow's probably a better word.” 00:15:14.639 --> 00:15:18.750 Agent Blandina leaned in a little further to see what exactly Paulson meant by that, 00:15:18.750 --> 00:15:24.199 only to make a horrifying discovery: The Manager wasn’t a whole corpse, he was just dessicated 00:15:24.199 --> 00:15:27.950 skin, a husk somehow propped up into the shape of a corpse. 00:15:27.950 --> 00:15:32.810 When Agent Blandina asked why Paulson specified “hollow” and not “empty”, he told 00:15:32.810 --> 00:15:37.440 her that it was because a noise was sometimes heard emanating from within the skin husk. 00:15:37.440 --> 00:15:41.800 Agent Blandina wisely refused to put her ear anywhere near the Manager’s gaping, toothless 00:15:41.800 --> 00:15:46.510 mouth, and instead fed the hidden microphone she had been wearing down into the husk’s 00:15:46.510 --> 00:15:47.510 throat. 00:15:47.510 --> 00:15:51.699 Before Paulson had time to remark on the strangeness of this, sirens and alarms began going off 00:15:51.699 --> 00:15:52.699 all around them. 00:15:52.699 --> 00:15:56.589 Paulson began to panic, yelling that the lions were incoming, and the duo needed to move 00:15:56.589 --> 00:15:58.890 quickly to get out of harm’s way. 00:15:58.890 --> 00:16:02.000 Luckily, Agent Blandina was able to escape with only minor injuries. 00:16:02.000 --> 00:16:07.620 But shortly after her escape, SCP-4703’s legality was once again restructured to make 00:16:07.620 --> 00:16:11.670 it illegal for non-employees to enter the employee-only areas. 00:16:11.670 --> 00:16:15.850 The audio that Agent Blandina recorded inside the body of the Manager was also analyzed 00:16:15.850 --> 00:16:22.420 by experts at the Foundation, and they discovered that, when sped up by 75%, the sound was indistinguishable 00:16:22.420 --> 00:16:24.440 from human laughter. 00:16:24.440 --> 00:16:29.430 Due to the highly strange nature of this anomaly and its containment procedures - even by SCP 00:16:29.430 --> 00:16:35.170 Foundation standards - the classes and designations applied to SCP-4703 are equally strange and 00:16:35.170 --> 00:16:36.260 complex. 00:16:36.260 --> 00:16:40.720 Knowledge of the file and the anomaly itself is relatively low-tier, with Restricted Level 00:16:40.720 --> 00:16:42.399 2 Access Permissions. 00:16:42.399 --> 00:16:47.769 Due to the immense difficulty in keeping SCP-4703 hidden or contained, thanks to its unique 00:16:47.769 --> 00:16:51.319 legal situation, it has been given the Object Class Keter. 00:16:51.319 --> 00:16:55.410 This, however, is where things get even stranger. 00:16:55.410 --> 00:17:00.720 The SCP-4703 store has a rare secondary object class, Truculent. 00:17:00.720 --> 00:17:05.559 This classification is likely to be unfamiliar to most, but it is used in the specific situation 00:17:05.559 --> 00:17:10.100 when an item is unpredictable and often transformative, and the containment measures around it must 00:17:10.100 --> 00:17:14.699 be consistently updated and evolved in order to meet its containment needs. 00:17:14.699 --> 00:17:19.459 It has the Level 3 or Keneq Disruption Class, meaning that it has a roughly medium potential 00:17:19.459 --> 00:17:23.659 to cause disruption, though this disruption is likely to be confined to a relatively local 00:17:23.659 --> 00:17:24.699 area. 00:17:24.699 --> 00:17:29.090 And finally, it has the Risk Class Warning, meaning that it presents a high risk to all 00:17:29.090 --> 00:17:33.730 who interact with it, complete with the possibility of causing severe harm, including death. 00:17:33.730 --> 00:17:38.300 Though legally, due to a missive sent from the law firm working in association with SCP-4703, 00:17:38.300 --> 00:17:42.960 I am obliged to tell you that it’s mainly because the bargains at Yeah, We're Totally 00:17:42.960 --> 00:17:47.900 Going to Sell You This… are simply to die for, which is perfectly legal, thank you very 00:17:47.900 --> 00:17:49.200 much. 00:17:49.200 --> 00:17:55.000 Now go and watch another entry from the classified files of Dr. Bob, such as “SCP-5172 North 00:17:55.000 --> 00:17:59.380 American Hotel Ice Machines”, for another SCP that will make you think twice about visiting 00:17:59.380 --> 00:18:00.760 common everyday locations. 00:18:00.760 --> 00:18:05.600 And make sure you subscribe and turn on notifications, so you don’t miss a single anomaly, as we 00:18:05.600 --> 00:18:09.320 delve further and further into the SCP Foundation’s classified archives.